Unattended Wards and their Unfortunate Guardians
by bandgeek18
Summary: Roy and Dick are left alone for a couple of hours at a gala. How much trouble could two boys possibly cause while unattended? One-shot.


N/A: This is just a humorous little fic I thought of because I love these characters and their various relationships. Enjoy!

Roy sighed as he planted himself against the wall, n to Dick. "Kill me," he said, taking another sip of his soda in it's ridiculous, fancy

"I don't think Oliver would like it if I did that," Dick replied, picking up one of the small, fancy cheese pieces from his plate. "Besides, Alfred would be mad if I get blood on my tux." He held out the small plate to his friend. "Cheese?"

"No crackers?"

Dick shrugged as Roy took one. "Is that really what you should be complaining about?"

"Touché." He ate his cheese and sighed again, even more dramatically. "Is this thing even close to being over?"

Dick looked at his watch. "Nope."

"Ugh. I don't understand why Ollie had to fly us to other side of the country just for a gala."

"Would you rather be at one in Star by yourself?"

"…..Touché."

"Maybe we're leaving." Dick nodded his head at Bruce and Oliver, who were weaving their way through the crowd to the two boys. As soon as the adults arrived, Roy opened his mouth, but Oliver held his hand up.

"No," he said. "We're not leaving. Well, you two aren't."

"We have….associates who need help," Bruce added quietly. "You two stay here and don't cause any trouble." Dick and Roy both groaned but didn't argue.

'Great,' Roy thought as their guardians slipped out a side door together. 'Now we're stuck here all night long.' The exit of the two billionaires caught the attention of a reporter, who looked at the door they'd left through, then at the boys they left behind.

"Incoming," Dick whispered as the reporter made his way to them. "Showtime." Roy sighed again but did stand up straighter; as did Dick.

"Evening gentlemen," the reporter said. "Nice party, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Roy agreed, sipping his soda.

"Are you having fun?" Dick asked with all his 10-year-old innocence.

"I am," the reporter replied. "You know, I was wondering if you two knew where your guardians went to."

"Do we know? Yes," Roy said. "Will we tell you? No."

"Come on. We're all friends here."

"Bruce says I'm not supposed to talk to strangers," Dick replied.

"Here then." The man pulled a press badge from his pocket and handed it to the boy. "Now you know who I am, so I'm not a stranger."

"Why are you so interested in where Oliver went anyway?" Roy asked. "You stalking him or something?"

"Oh no, nothing like that. I'm just curious."

Dick smiled as he gave the reporter back the pass. "Bruce is with Mr. Queen- I mean, Oliver, sorry," he said as the man took it. "Bruce said I can call him Oliver when he's at our house."

"Oh? And does Mr. Queen come to your home often?"

"All the time," Roy lied.

"What do Mr. Wayne and Mr. Queen do when they're together?"

"What do you think two adults do when they're alone together?" In an instant, from the reporter's face turned from mildly curious to shocked.

"You…you mean Mr. Queen and Mr. Wayne are…"

"Dating?" Dick asked innocently. "I think so."

"You think so?"

"Well….They go to dinner and kiss a lot, is that dating?" The reporter looked as though they'd just handed him a winning lottery ticket.

"How often do they go out for dinner?" he asked, scribbling rapidly in his little notebook.

"Not a lot because Oliver lives in Star."

"Remember last month when they were both out of the country?" Roy asked, smirking a little.

"You mean they were…together?" the reporter asked, eyes still wide.

"Oh yeah. Every time Bruce Wayne and Oliver Queen have a sudden business trip in some obscure country, they're actually in places like Paris and Milan, having romantic getaways. I don't know what they do when they're gone, but Ollie always looks really, really happy when he comes back."

"They call each other a lot too," Dick added. "And text."

"Yeah, Oliver never lets me see what they're texting each other, but he always looked really pleased about it if you know what I mean." He winked and almost started laughing at the look on the reporter's face.

"What do you mean?"

"Ask me again in 5 years."

"Are you two sure?" the reporter practically whispered, voice heavily restrained to rein in his joy. Both boys nodded solemnly.

"Bruce says he thinks Oliver is handsome and smart," Dick said.

"Mhm, and Ollie thinks Bruce is a great kisser and very good looking," Roy added, grinning wider as the repeater wrote down every word they said.

"But…doesn't Oliver Queen have a girlfriend?"

"You mean Dinah? Oh, she's just like…a fake girlfriend to cover up his initiate relationship with Bruce."

"Does she know this?"

"Oh yeah, she's totally in on it."

"That's…wow."

"It makes sense when you think about it. I mean, they're both rich men. At least they know the other isn't in it for the money."

"Yeah and that's why Bruce keeps saying he'll never get married," Dick added. "Cause he said he wouldn't want to be with anyone other than Oliver. He loves him that much."

"Why don't they just come out in the open? Times have changed, a lot of people are very accepting now."

Roy shrugged. "I don't really know. They just do."

"Huh. Well, don't worry, I'll won't tell anyone that you two told me."

"Good," Dick smiled, once again looking like he wasn't capable of breaking the arm of the man in front of them. "I would be really sad if Bruce and Oliver were upset."

"Don't worry, kid. I'll be discrete."

Dick and Roy shared smug looks. 'This should be good.'

— —

The next morning, Oliver was sitting in the hotel room, drinking coffee. 'Wonder if our League fight made the papers this morning?' he wondered as he relaxed. He and Roy wouldn't be heading back to Star for another day, so he was in no hurry to wake the teen up. In that spirit, he sat back with the paper open in his lap and his cup of coffee in his hand. He was flipping through while sipping when the headline in the social section made him spit his coffee out. "What…the….hell…" he muttered.

'Oliver Queen/Bruce Wayne Love Scandal' along with a picture of him and Bruce talking from the night before. As he read the article, his mouth slowly dropped open and his hand started to fall limp, spilling coffee all over the hardwood floor. "How the hell did this happen?!" he yelled. Distantly he heard a door open, and Roy shuffled in, his red hair messy, and still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"What the heck, Ollie?" he mumbled. "I was sleeping."

"How did this happen?! Anonymous sources… Who the fuck would think-" He froze. Who was close to him and would think to tell this reporter that he was dating Bruce fucking Wayne? Who could possibly be so bold and want to cause so much chaos in Oliver's life? Very slowly, Oliver turned his head to look at Roy. The teen was sitting on the couch, arms crossed and slumped down like he was falling asleep again. As if sensing his guardian was looking at him, Roy opened his eyes. "Roy…did you do this?"

"Mmmmm….You'll have to be more specific."

Oliver shoved his paper into the teen's lap. "This!"

Roy squinted at the paper, the sat back smirking. "Yeah. I did that." Oliver stared at him. "Surprise."

"You little-" Oliver's phone started ringing and he grabbed it without looking at the contact name. He pointed at Roy. "We aren't finished yet." He answered it. "Hell-"

"Oliver Jonas Queen!" the woman on the other end almost screeched.

"…..Hi, Pretty Bird." He could hear Roy laughing and reached around for something to throw at him. "How are you this morning, the love of my life?"

"Gee, I don't really know. I woke up this morning and I found out that apparently you and Bruce are an item."

Oliver shook his head. Just hearing the words made him shiver and want to throw up. And take a shower. "I can explain-"

"Please do, because as far as publicity stunts go, Oliver, this is-"

"I swear I had nothing to do with it! It was all Roy!"

"Uh-huh."

"Come on Dinah, you know me. Not even I would be dumb enough to fake a relationship with that ghoul!" Roy was still laughing, so Oliver threw the empty coffee mug at him, which Roy caught with ease and just kept laughing.

Dinah sighed. "…..I'll give you this, Oliver, dating you, I never have a dull moment."

"Keeps you on your toes." He could actually hear the look she was giving him.

"More like it gives me grey hairs."

"But its all worth when we…you know…" Roy made a gagging sound, so Oliver threw a throw pillow at him. Roy used the mug to defend himself and knocked it away.

"Mhm. Just so you know, I can't even leave the mansion, there are so many reporters at the gate."

"Damn. Guess it's a good thing we're not coming home until tomorrow, then."

"And you're making this up to me when you get home?"

"So many times." Another gagging noise from the teenager made him throw another pillow. "I have to go, Dinah. I have a 15-year-old I need to kill."

"Tell him hi from me."

"Uh-huh." Oliver hung up and looked at Roy. "Dinah says she hates you."

Roy snorted. "Yeah, I totally believe that."

Oliver opened his mouth again, but his phone started ringing again. "Don't think we're done with this, because we're not!" He once again answered without looking at the contact. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Mr. Oliver Queen-Wayne?" a playful voice asked.

"Shut the hell up, Hal!"

"Why?!" Hal sounded like he was practically rolling on the floor laughing. "Do you know how many months of enjoyment I'm getting out of this?!"

"Not if you value your kneecaps!"

"Like you could hit me."

"Listen here, glow stick after I get this mess sorted out-" His phone beeped with another call. "I have another call."

"Don't let me keep you from enjoying your time with Brucie-"

Oliver hung up on him, muttering about stupid lanterns and their stupid rings, and once again took the next call without looking at who it was. "Hello?"

"Hey, Ollie-" Barry began, only for Oliver to hang up on him. 'The whole League probably knows. God, I won't be able to go to the Watchtower for months! Maybe even a year!' He groaned and rubbed his tired face.

"Something wrong?" Roy asked, voice smug and very obviously amused.

"I hate you."

"Oh no….whatever will I do." Roy laid down and hung one arm off the side of the couch dramatically and used his other one to hold a pillow over his face.

"You shouldn't voluntarily put a weapon near your face that can be used to smother you."

"You won't kill me. It's too much paperwork with my social worker." Oliver's phone started ringing again, and Roy took the effort to live his head and smirk at his guardian. "Aren't you going to answer that?"

Oliver rolled his eyes and actually took the time to look at who it was before he answered. This led to him hesitating because this was the last person he wanted to talk to that day. 'If I don't answer he won't leave me alone.' Oliver sighed. 'Might as well face the music.' Desperately wishing he could somehow avoid this conversation, Oliver answered. "Hey, Bruce." He threw another pillow at Roy when the teenager started laughing again. "What's up?"

"I think you know, what's up," Bruce practically growled.

"Before you say anything, I had nothing to do with this. It was all Roy."

"Roy and….somene else."

"…..Am I right to assume that someone else is Dick?"

"Come to the Manor in an hour. And bring Roy."

"So we can kill them together?"

"See you in an hour, Oliver."

Oliver sighed as he hung up. "You didn't say no, you stupid vampire." He sighed again, then threw another pillow at Roy. "Get dressed."

"Why?"

"We're going to Wayne Manor. You and Dick are going to come clean."

"We can stay here and I can do that."

"Nice try, let's go."

Roy sighed dramatically and stood up. 'I can't wait to see how Dick's doing.'

— —

There were many things Bruce Wayne was prepared for. Alien invasions? Check. Rogue Superman? Check. Attacks of Joker gas? Check. Being accused of dating Oliver Queen? Not so much. He'd gotten the call form Clark before even making it down to breakfast.

"Don't read the paper," was the first Kryptonian said.

"Why?" Bruce had asked, more curious than suspicious.

"Just don't. Trust me on this, Bruce."

"Do you want to give me a reason?"

"Isn't the recommendation of a close and trusted friend enough?"

"No."

Clark had sighed. "Then, whatever happens, just know I was right." He'd hung up after that, leaving Bruce more confused than ever. However. this confusion didn't stop him from sitting down at the table, then opening up the paper. Then close it, closing his eyes, then opening it again.

"….Alfred…" Bruce almost whispered.

"Yes, Master Bruce?" Alfred asked, standing behind him.

"….Do you see this…?" Alfred looked over his shoulder and the butler's normally stoic face registered shock.

"My word… Who would dare-"

"Good morning!" Dick had crowed, practically skipping into the room. He sat down in his seat, then frowned at the shocked looks Alfred and Bruce had. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Master Dick. Some bottom-feeding paparazzi making up lies about Master Bruce again."

Dick frowned as he used his tiny arms to hold himself up on the table and crane his neck to see the paper. "…Oh." He just barely managed to stifle the giggle, but not before Bruce had noticed.

"Dick…" his guardian had asked suspiciously. "What do you know about this?"

"Nothing."

Bruce's eyes narrowed. "Dick…." The boy looked away, knowing better than to try and lie straight to the face of the Batman. "What do you know about this?"

"Only what you know…"

"…And?"

Dick smirked a little bit. "And that someone at the gala last night was probably the one to say that."

"Someone like you?" Dick shrugged.

"Master Dick!" Alfred scolded. "Of all the childish things-"

"I think I can handle this, Alfred," Bruce told him. He turned back to the child. "What in the world were you thinking?"

"You've had me tell the press you were out with someone before!"

Bruce had felt the disapproving look he got from Alfred. "This is different and you know that." He'd looked back at the article. "There's no way you came up with all of this on your own." He had sighed. "Roy helped you, didn't he?"

"Maybe..."

"Dick."

"Yes."

'Of course.'

Which is how he'd landed here. Standing next to Oliver, both of them with their arms crossed and their faces creased in equal looks of anger and disbelief. "What were you two thinking?" Bruce asked.

"Clearly they weren't!" Oliver yelled, throwing his hands in the air.

"He was asking a lot of questions," Dick answered innocently. "We panicked."

"No, I know you know better," Bruce replied evenly.

Oliver looked at Roy. "And what do you have to say for yourself?" he asked.

Roy shrugged. "Not much. I did it, and I'd do it again."

"You little-"

"Oliver," Bruce said in a warning voice. He turned back to the two boys. "Do have any idea how this makes us look?"

"More famous?" Dick guessed.

"Yeah, you guys are all over the internet right now," Roy smirked. "People in Star seem to think Bruce is going to "ruin" Ollie and that he can do better."

"He couldn't do better than me…" Bruce muttered.

"I don't know, Dinah seems to think Ollie's a real catch. They definitely seem to have a lot of fun in the bedroom."

"Why are we having this conversation?!" Oliver demanded. "Bruce, you're supposed to be on my side!"

"Bruce is a real catch too," Dick added. "Miss. Kyle thinks so."

"You, zip-it," Bruce told him. "You and Roy are in trouble."

"Yes," Oliver agreed. "Roy is grounded forever!"

"Forever?" Roy asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Forever! Infinity! Whichever comes last!"

"Be serious, Oliver," Bruce told him, crossing his arms at the other man.

"What makes you think I'm joking?"

Roy shrugged. "Honestly," he sighed. "Go ahead and punish me; heck, ground me until I'm 90-years-old. I don't really care. This has been the best morning of my life and it was all worth it."

"I hate you."

"Sure you do, Ollie."

"I have an idea," Bruce interrupted before the two archers could pretend like they didn't love each other. "Since you two think its so funny to go around spreading rumors and lies about people, then we'll see how you like it."

"We will?" Oliver asked. Bruce sighed and gave him a slightly exasperated look. "I mean, we will."

"What do you mean?" Dick asked.

"At some point in the future, Oliver and I will tell the press something untrue, but equal embarrassing about you boys. You don't know what it'll be, you don't know when it'll happen, but it will." Roy and Dick looked at each other, then shrugged.

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Yeah," Roy smiled. "Fair is fair. We had your fun, now you guys can have yours."

"However," Dick continued, like the two of them had some kind of mind hive. "if you think that any news the two of you could come up with can outshine what we came up with, you're wrong."

"Dead wrong."

"Completely dead wrong."

"Got that?"

Bruce and Oliver looked at each other. "We can't allow them to spend time together," Oliver whispered to Bruce.

"The fate of the world may depend on it," Bruce agreed just as quietly.

Meanwhile, Dick and Roy were laughing at a very confused series of texts that Roy had received from Wally. "This was so worth it," Roy whispered, clearly having a great day.

"Absolutely worth it," Dick agreed.


End file.
